A Mixtape Of 2026 Fantasy Football Headlines

Cooterdoodle puts a musical twist on fantasy football. From crowded WR rooms to QB battles, find out which players are worthy of the mixtape. Here, she made this for you.

Like an old CD, last season is scratched beyond repair. But we're cranking up the volume on 2026.

Grab your headphones and let's kick back with some classics.

A Mixtape of NFL Headlines With Fantasy Football Implications

DENIAL IS A RIVER - Doechii

NFL Pairing: Brandon Aiyuk

The Lyric: "Whoopsie, made a oopsie / 100,000 dollar oops made me loopy"

Make it a "10 million dollar oopsie" and you've got Brandon Aiyuk's newest Instagram post. He recently shared the purchase of his new home near … You guessed it: Washington's headquarters.

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here, but the cartoon-level theatrics have only intensified since June. Despite Aiyuk's claims that he is soon to be a Commander, he's still a 49er. A disgruntled 49er, but a 49er nonetheless.

While I won't be drafting him, it's possible Aiyuk is right. Or, perhaps this year's consensus WR66 is just in denial.

Big Mike's - Dijon

NFL Pairing: Mike Evans

The Lyric: "I like how you look when you got questions"

Big Mike Evans took a Big Payday and moved his ass all the way across the country to San Francisco.

The Big Problem? Tampa offered him more money and he chose to leave anyway!

So yeah, "I got questions," Big Mike. Why leave a franchise you spent 12 years building? And more importantly, can a 33-year-old veteran squeeze out a 12th 1,000-yard season in a brand-new system?

The Library (Intro) - Childish Gambino

NFL Pairing: John Harbaugh

The Lyric: [00:04 seconds of complete, dead silence]

Harbaugh landing in New York after 18 years in Baltimore is one of the wildest storylines of 2026. And he's got a lot of questions to answer.

Can Jaxson Dart stay healthy? Can Cam Skattebo stay healthy? Will Malik Nabers really be healthy for Week 1?

Much like a crowd of players sitting through a John Harbaugh "pep talk," this track isn't giving anything…

Two Princes - Spin Doctors

NFL Pairing: Jags WR room

The Lyric: "One, two princes kneel before you…"

One could argue that there are actually four princes in Jacksonville, though that would require some imagination.

Notice: I didn't say kings. Because as of right now, there's no alpha WR at the helm. Brian Thomas finished WR42 in 2025. Travis Hunter could take more snaps at CB (depending on who you ask). And Parker Washington, who finished with 12 FPPG (18th) and 71.1 yards per game (15th) during his final 9 weeks in 2025, still has to split time with the two guys above and Jakobi Meyers.

Good luck figuring out who gets Trevor Lawrence's attention each week. This four-headed monster is one of the most daunting in the league. But the princes kneel before you. Come draft day, which will it be?

Bouncing Off The Walls - Sugarcult

NFL Pairing: Cam Skattebo

The Lyric: "I'm bouncing off the walls again / I'm looking like a fool again."

There's a reason why the high-upside RB with 3-TD-game potential has fallen as low as the consensus RB19 in our fantasy football rankings for 2026.

With the HC changes, personnel changes and risk of injury, there are several factors to consider when drafting Skattebo in Round 4. Even when Cam Skattebo is healthy, he's a risk. He's reckless with his body and his own biggest opposition.

But Dwain McFarland is in. So I'm in.

But Cam, please. I'm begging you. Stop bouncing off the floors and the walls, dude.

You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday

NFL Pairing: J.J. McCarthy

The Lyric: "Don't let it go to your head / Boys like you are a dime a dozen."

Believe it or not, there was still hope for J.J. McCarthy last summer.

But that train has all but left the station and stalled, over and over again, after multiple injuries and less-than-stellar performances when healthy.

While McCarthy might still think the QB competition is alive and well in Minnesota, it's highly unlikely now that Kyler Murray is the other QB in town.

McCarthy's "QB1 season" died the second Murray stepped in the building. It's so last summer.

What's My Age Again? - blink-182

NFL Pairing: Tom Brady

The Lyric: "My friends say I should act my age. What's my age again?"

I've never been 48 years old. And I've never won seven f*cking Super Bowls. So you can take this with a grain of salt …

But engaging in a faux slap battle with a WWE wrestler at Fanatics Fest and hard-launching (pun intended) a coconut-water brand called "Good Nut" doesn't feel like traditional retirement behavior.

And the numbers don't lie.

Down to be wrong - HAIM

NFL Pairing: Isaac TeSlaa

The Lyric: "Down to be wrong / Don't need to be right."

There's a chance that Isaac TeSlaa never gets moved into my starting lineup. And that's fine. But let's not forget that he ended his rookie season with 1 fewer TD than Jameson Williams (and 4 more than Justin Jefferson).

I don't care that the Lions are stacked at every position and TeSlaa isn't primed for a breakout on the depth chart.

With his Round 16 ADP and the fun upside, I'm down to be wrong.

My Friends Over You - New Found Glory

NFL Pairing: Aaron Rodgers

The Lyric: "I'd still pick my friends over you."

It wasn't that long ago that we watched Aaron Rodgers negotiate roster spots in New York for all of his best friends. While he's no longer playing with the likes of Randall Cobb and Davante Adams in Pittsburgh, Rodgers' loyalty has always been his trademark.

Last season, he found himself a few new BFFs: his TEs. All of them.

Nearly a third of Rodgers' passing yards and passing TDs were distributed between Pat Freiermuth, Jonnu Smith and Darnell Washington in 2025. While Rico Dowdle is filling the void left by Kenneth Gainwell's departure, I would still expect Rodgers' TEs to continue to get their fair share.

The Liar's Club - Coheed & Cambria

NFL Pairing: Coach Speak & Hype

The Lyric: "Life feels so much better when we just avoid the truth ... Baby, are you okay to lie with me?"

"We're going with the hot hand."

"He's impressed at OTAs."

I don't care if it's true or not.

Lie to me.

I want to believe that Bhayshul Tuten is going "to have a big year" for the Jags. I want to believe that Tyler Shough is the best 'sleeper' QB in this year's draft. I want to believe that Malik Nabers could start Week 1.

I want to believe that all my favorite draft picks are THE best draft picks.

[BONUS TRACK] Cool About It - boygenius

NFL Pairing: Matthew Berry

The Lyric: "I'm trying to be cool about it"

Matthew F*cking Berry recently announced that all of his written content and rankings are now exclusively at Fantasy Life.

As a fan of football, a lover of fantasy football, and a company woman, seeing Berry's Draft Day Manifesto on the homepage of a site that he built from the ground up feels cathartic for many reasons.

So yeah, I'm just trying to be cool about it.